On Becoming a Mam-Bi

 They (whomever that might be) say that kids will take over your life. What they don't tell you is that you won't see it coming. One moment you're a swinging single, having the time of your life; the next you are a newly wed, soaking in the love; the next you're changing poopy diapers in the middle of the night when you're sick - and doing it without a second thought.

Three years ago if you showed me a snapshot of my life right now I'd have thought you were joking. It is amazing how we, as humans, can adapt to changes thrown our way. If you told me I could whip my house into shape with a 1 year old "helping" and still have time to play with her and snuggle I might not have believed it. And yet... I do it every week. In a similarly spectacular feat, I recently saw a news story about a Haitian amputee soccer team who by all reports are doing a fantastic job. Okay, so maybe their story is more interesting/amazing than mine. Also, I am by no means comparing myself to someone lacking a limb - I gained one!

Before I had children I babysat. When I was pregnant I felt my daughter moving inside me. After she was born we spent 4 months almost inseparably. I remember last year at this time when my husband took me out to dinner for our anniversary I kept wondering how the baby was - I was not used to being away from her so much. About a week ago I found myself thinking that while I have gotten used to the idea that I have to have someone watching my daughter when I'm at work, I still like to spend every other scrap of time I have with her. This child fascinates me. The rate at which she learns things astounds me. Watching her and my husband interact are moments I treasure.

Sometimes I worry that I am going to fail completely. How can I make sure she learns what she needs to: learns to love the Lord, learns to be a good person, learns all her numbers and letters, learns interpersonal skills necessary to life, and so much more? Sometimes I feel like there is not enough time in the days to show her how to be the wonderful person I want her to be. That I know she can be. That she is. Growing up I don't remember that we ever had a lot of STUFF, but there was always an abundance of love. Looking back, no matter what else, we always knew we were loved; that's what I want for my daughter.

With the advent of speaking looming closer, Rachel (always a chatty one) has begun to learn new words a million miles a minute and recently as begun to combine words. Her daddy taught her to say "baby" the other day, and now everything is "baby, baby, baby." Even mommy, which used to be "ma-ma" has now become "mam-bi." Part mama, part baby - I am now just an extension of her. I guess that's what being a mommy means.

Organization Mania

To Do lists have got to be my all time favorite hobby. Well, besides playing with the little one. I have millions of them, some in writing, most in my head. Chores, bills, home improvements, things I want to accomplish, etc, etc, etc. I plan everything out in my head and, sadly, sometimes that's as far as it gets. Way too often, in fact.

Every Wednesday I make myself a list of to-do's. Wednesday is my day off, and thus a cleaning day. So I start listing to myself the things I need to accomplish. The morning (usually until at least 10am) is reserved for playing with Littles (aka Rachel), then there's dishes, laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, etc, etc, etc. It helps me to be able to check things off, also, to make me feel like I am accomplishing things. So last Wednesday I actually broke down the loads of laundry I had to do. It helped.

Lists float around my house like leaves in the fall - which is to say there are a lot. And they are about as useful as hair accessories to a bald person. Inevitably something else comes up that HAS to be done and I end up discarding the list and just doing what has to be done. Or not doing it. Sometimes I just pretend it got done. Sometimes I pretend I no list existed (thus I did not actually miss anything). Sometimes I just give up. Today... well today is probably a mixture of both. I'm still (haha) working on things but I might have to pretend some of what I wanted to get done was not actually on the list, because I will not get to it. Especially sitting here posting on my blog (which is sometimes on the list and has its own list of Things I Want To Write About).

However, as usual, my daughter has woken up now, and thus I am probably done with today's post. Next on the list - start another load of laundry and practice with Rachel how to walk. :)

(Image Credit: To-do list borrowed from FamiliesWithAPurpose.com.)