Random Mother's Day Thoughts

Words are not coming. Or perhaps it is that too many words are coming but nothing is forming a concise neat blog today. I guess that's how my life feels right now. So much going on and nothing neatly organized. Maybe I'll just write short thoughts today.

Today is the first Mother's Day that actually applies to me. Strange. I don't know if I thought it would feel different than any other day, but it kind of doesn't. Maybe that's because Mike had to work today. Yesterday felt more exciting because we were both off the entire day. It may sound funny, but I just don't feel old enough to be a mother. I know there are plenty of women younger than me who have more children, but.. well.. when did I become old enough to be a mother?

Last night Rachel was up and down all night long. I'm not sure if this is the beginning of the separation anxiety that they say babies around this age start to feel or not, but it is draining. The funny thing is that it goes in spurts. Before I was working she would wake up once a night to nurse and go back to sleep. After I started working it went up to a minimum of two times. Thursday night she slept all the way through the night and didn't wake up until I woke her up to feed her. I don't know what is going on with this child, but at least she's snuggly.

Mike and Rachel got me a card for Mother's day. He said he purchased the one that she got the most excited about. It's a cute card, and the thought of him holding up cards and her getting all excited was a great image. I love watching how excited she gets when he is around and how happy she makes him. Just seeing the two loves of my life grinning at each other is one of the best sights ever.

Tomorrow I have to be at work early. This next week I'm on the early shift from 7am-3.45pm. Nice part about that is I'll be getting out early. Unfortunately that also means waking up early. I'll also be out of training and on the floor..woohoo! No, that wasn't sarcastic either. I really am looking forward to being out of training and putting my skills to the test. I think it will help me to keep my mind off everything else if I have to be hands on instead of just listening to the trainer.

I'm looking around the apartment and there is so much to do to put it aright, but I just have no motivation to do any of it. I could leave it go, but I did that yesterday and today it's still there. Tomorrow it would just get worse if I don't take care of it. Tomorrow would probably also be worse motivation-wise because I will be up so early. I guess that's part of what being an adult and a mom means - you can make your own decisions, but you have to live with them later. I guess I will end this now to do some chores.

To all the mothers out there, whether you feel old enough or not, Happy Mother's Day!

Sleep is a crutch

Wow, I cannot believe how long it has been since I posted anything! Life has been crazy these past couple of  weeks. Actually for the past two months, more or less! First I went to Birmingham to visit my sister and while I was there got a call about coming in for an interview. The interview turned into a full time job, and now I am trying to make the life of a working mom... well... work. So far I have not killed anyone and my apartment is.. well... it is.

As I mentioned in my last post, I really do not know how some moms just make it look so easy. I struggle to keep things in line and still fall behind. Weekends are my catch-up time, however the past couple of weekends I have been out and about doing things. Or catching up on some much needed sleep. I was shocked to find out that I had slept in 3 HOURS on Saturday... and I still woke up at 8.30am. Those three hours were much needed, and much appreciated, but 8.30am? Really? On a day off? Oh well.

Work is going well and I am liking it, but every day is a challenge to leave Rachel behind. The worst is when she is actually awake because she will be sitting there with her daddy just smiling her little heart out at me, and then I walk out on her. The couple of times I have had to do that made me cry on the way in to work. I know I'm doing it for her but that still does not make it one tad easier. At least I know she is getting tons of snuggles with daddy, who loves her, and that she is making him smile for half the day that I am gone. After that it's off to play with Erin (her babysitter) and Nyla (her little friend) for her. After a day full of training (we're almost done with it now) I struggle against traffic to pick up my little snuggly bug, and then YAY I get the smiles and the love!! Her smile when I walk in the door and she sees me makes it all worthwhile.

Once we get home, it's time to do some chores, eat, make dinner for the next day, do some more chores, play/snuggle, love on daddy when he gets home, wash up for bed, and then go to bed. Lord help us if we fall behind on the chores, there will be no catching up till the weekend! I had been trying to stay up to get things done, because after all, "sleep is a crutch" (-Rosa Cannaverde), however I finally decided that if I get half of the things done I wanted to, then the rest can get done later. Best not to put a defined time on "later" either. Mañana. I cannot function on 5 1/2 hours of sleep a night. Now I am getting about 6-7 and that seems to work much better. I guess by Rosa's standards I am probably a cripple, but I'll take the extra half hour or so!! I love you Rosa!

And now... off to get ready for a new day!