Separation Anxiety

Leaving your child alone for the first time with family is hard. Leaving her alone for the first time with a babysitter is ridiculously hard. It's not like I'm the type of person who suffers panic attacks or anything, but I will never laugh (outwardly or inwardly) at someone talking about "separation anxiety" again. It is a rather nerve racking event!

Thus far in my lifelong trek into motherhood I can count the number of times I've been separated from Rachel without using up all the fingers on one hand. Once at the hospital they took her to the nursery to give her a shot and do a hearing test; once I ran to drop off some library books and left her with Mike (aka daddy); once I ran to Target & the mall while she played with Caterina (my sister and mother of two) and Mike. Bam. Three times. That's it. All short trips of under 2 hours. Now suddenly I was contemplating being away from her for possibly 4 hours. With a babysitter!

Oh man.. am I up to this? Maybe I can take her with me? But no, you don't take a baby to a meeting with your boss and his boss unless they have agreed to it. Well, if the meeting goes too long I can always cut out, right? Right. Sure. Do I really have to leave her? Okay...okay.. she'll be just fine. I'll make sure to leave everything ready and Laurie, my friend from church, is going to come over to my house, so all her toys will be right here, it won't be such a change in routine for her. This will work. This WILL work.


Laurie arrived. Let's see now... here are the diapers.. extra clothes if her diapers leak... extra blankets if this one gets soiled.... crib to put her to sleep in... floor mat and toys for her to play with... diaper stash... wipes... here's a passifier, but she doesn't really like it... milk in a bottle in case she gets hungry (should last 2 feedings, but I should be home by then, but she's never had a bottle before, so I don't know how she'll take it)....you can use the computer... you're welcome to anything in the fridge...sorry for the mess... here are important phone numbers....she likes to have her legs masaged and her toes played with... surely I am forgetting something? Okay.. I have to go.. but maybe they wouldn't be mad if I take her to the meeting? No.. no she can stay. *sigh* I'm leaving now...

Heading out the door I almost picked up the diaper bag before remembering that I didn't actually have to take it, I could just take my purse. Okay. Getting into the car I checked the rear-view mirror to make sure the carseat was settled properly. Oh wait.. no baby. Driving along at the speed limit (yes I do that now) and realizing there is no baby in the back and I'm STILL going the speed limit. Wow. Never saw that one coming! I wonder if she's doing fine. Did I remember to tell Laurie about the extra clothes? What if she is crying hysterically and won't take a bottle? No, settle down. Laurie has 2 grown children of her own. She did just fine with them, Rachel will be fine for a couple of hours.

As it turns out, I was only in the office briefly, Rachel and Laurie were just fine, Rachel had her first bottle (took the whole 2 feedings at once.. guess that means pumping more often for me!), and Laurie and I had a great time afterward. I learned a great lesson here - I am not the only one who has had children before. Also, when Mike said it was so hard to leave us in the mornings to go to work I never really understood. Now I do. What I don't know is how I will ever be able to go back to work. Or take her to school. Or let her go on a date .. alone .. with a boy!

One day at a time. That's how I have to learn to be a mom. One day at a time.