On travel, babies, and assuming.

Have you ever been in a grocery store, at church, or some other enclosed area with a child wailing whose parent doesn't stop them? You think to yourself "Seriously? Why don't they do something about that child?" It's even worse when you are in an enclosed, moving space such as a car, bus, or airplane and cannot get away from the wails. I mean, really, how hard is it to just stick a passifier in the kid's mouth and let them have at? That was me this past Tuesday. No, not the irate person, the one with the baby. The wailing baby. Ouch.

You can feel the glares and irritation, even if everyone is conspicuously avoiding eye contact. "Why won't she do something?" "Is something wrong with that baby?" "Why would she even travel with a baby that size?" "This is not what I wanted or needed today." "How long is this flight again?" They were thinking it. I would have been in their shoes. In fact, the condemnations were that much worse because they were in my voice speaking back to me from years past.

To all parents with squally babies/toddlers who have ever been on the same flight, in the same building, or in the same general area as I have been: I am sorry. I did not understand.

Rachel started off so well. Though she usually does not wake up until between 10 o'clock and 12 noon, Tuesday she would not fall asleep after we got her bundled into some travel clothes and into the car carrier. Not. All through the trip there, through checkin, security, the walk to and wait at the gate her beady little eyeballs were taking everything in, bright and shiny. "Parents with children under 5 and those who need additional assistance can begin bording now." Woohoo..that's us! First time ever! We got in with no mishaps and not too long after we sat down she fell asleep and didn't wake up until we landed, at which time she stared at the guy in the seat next to us. (Incidentally, why is it okay for babies to stare at people and not adults?)

As always we had to treck half the airport to get to our next departure gate. I now realize why my mom had such strong arms when we were little. From passifiers to diaper bags to carseats, babies have a lot of baggage that accompanies them even for short jaunts to the store. Across airports is daunting, at best. Thank goodness for decent sized layovers. When we got to the gate she nursed up and I thought (hahahaha) that she would fall asleep through the next flight too. Boarding went smoothly and she was just as happy as could be. Until, of course, they closed the airplane doors and the pressure changed. Instantly she morphed into one not happy baby. Nothing worked. Not the passy, not my finger (usually sucking on my finger works if the passy doesn't), not nursing.. nothing. Waaaaaahhh.... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!! Oh the outrage! Oh the indecency. Oh oh ooooooohhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frantically I tried to calm her as I myself avoided all the other passengers eyes as studiously as they were avoiding mine. "No, no," I told her, desperately rocking and hugging. "No, no. You're not one of those babies! You're a happy baby! Remember? We talked about this! Happy! Happy baby!" It was a lie. It was a bald faced lie. We hadn't talked about it. I had assumed (and you know what they say about that) I was a good enough parent and she was a good enough baby that we could handle a plane easily. She knew it, and she was calling my bluff. "Waaaahhh! WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"  I had nothing. I had less than nothing. I had so little I couldn't even fold. Oh Lord, please let her be a happy baby! Please please please please.

To all parents with squally babies/toddlers whom I assumed I could do a better job than: I am sorry. I did not understand.

After a neverending 6 or 7 minutes she finally did quiet down and slept the rest of the flight. The entire flight and deboarding I managed to avoid looking anyone in the eyes. By the time I walked a couple of gates down the way the whole incident seemed comical. Blog titles and sentances were already composing themselves in my head. This wasn't so bad after all. In fact, what was I ashamed of? She's just a baby, I've seen worse. ...Uh oh.... knock on wood... we still have the return trip.

Cold Turkey or Ease Into It?

How do you explain to a 3 1/2 month old baby that bedtime isn't bedtime anymore when you really don't even get it yourself? Daylight savings is the bane of my life. Sure, you "spring forward, fall back" but what the heck is "forward"? Is 9 o'clock now 10 o'clock? Is 10 o'clock now 9 o'clock? What a mess. Guess I will be staying up to "11 o'clock" for a while trying to convince Rachel that some brilliant lawmaker back in the day knew what farmers wanted.

Do we really need daylight savings? Who else in the world uses this crazy time altering device? Surely if farmers in other countries can get along without Daylight Savings for all this time we could also. Not that I have ever been a farmer, but from everything I have read/heard it seems that farmers are up early - ether before or at dawn - to get their farm on the way. I would imagine they would just get up at dawn no matter WHEN it was in relation to everyone else getting up. Silly, I know, but there you have it. My feelings in a nutshell.

So. Now you have to go to bed earlier baby. Like as if the last time we changed your bedtime was not difficult enough, now we get to do it again. Either that or mommy can just stay up "late." The problem is that mommy likes to have time alone with daddy too. Not like we have a lot of time for that anyhow, but one hour is nice. Even 30 minutes is nice. Give me time to miss you.

Next decision.. will it be a gradual change in bedtime or will we be doing this "cold turkey" again? Cold turkey was so hard, is it really a decent option for this time? Add to that we will be visiting my sister in Birmingham this week and starting work nights on the 29th. Looks like this (bed)time change is not going to be fun. Especially for Mike, who does not have the option of nursing the baby to sleep if she is fussy. Maybe this time we will have to ease into the change, but if so that means that Mike will be staying up past his regular bed time for a couple of days to get her to bed. Once upon a time when we were young (did I really just say that?) we could go to bed as late as we wanted and still be okay for the next day.

Ah, Daylight Savings, how I wish you would save me the pain of your visits!

Breastfeeding: an amazingly controversial topic!

In March of 2009 Mike and I found out that we were parents. No, you did not read that wrong, I say "were" instead of "were going to be" because I believe you start being a parent immediately and regardless of if the baby is born. This is not a pro-life argument or post, so if you were getting excited then I am sorry to disappoint you. It's merely an observation. Haven't you noticed that once people find out they or their partner is pregnant they start to change? What they eat, what they drink, their exercise routines, money spending habits, etc... all to prepare for this little baby. That is being a parent and it starts immediately.

Naturally I started reading up on all types of things I would need to know as a parent. What and what not to eat while pregnant. What to expect at different stages of pregnancy. What types of medicines can cross the placenta barrier. What to expect from labor and delivery. How to budget for a baby. What types of things a baby will need once they are born. And of course, breastfeeding. I read everything I could - the good, the bad, and the ugly - then I asked anyone I could about everything I could. It's a new and scary world out there and I wanted to be as prepared as possible - like for exams. Little did I realize there IS no preparing for babies. At least, no adequate preparation.

There were a couple of things I decided off the bat that I wanted to do: breastfeed, not spoil my children, teach them Spanish, read to them, not use the TV as a babysitter, among other things. Looking back, it would seem to me that I decided to be more like my mom. That being the case, I have some big shoes to fill ... and not just because she wears a size 9 and I wear a size 5 1/2! If I can be half as good a parent as she was I will be happy. Naturally I did not see it that way when I was a teenager, but with a few years additional experience under my belt, and the impending parenthood, I changed my mind. Maybe Mama really did know what she was talking about. (Should I admit that in writing?)

Recently I was browsing through Facebook groups that my friends had joined and came across one called something to the effect of "If you don't like breastfeeding why don't you put a blanket over YOUR head." Now, honestly, I am on Facebook to connect with friends and family that I can't otherwise see. I do belong to a few groups, but they are recipe shares or groups of my immediate friends/family. Upon occasion I will check out a group a friend has joined, but that's about it. Until I started reading some of the posts in this particular group, I did not realize how controversial a topic breastfeeding is - I thought it was just "no duh" of parenthood. Of course you are going to breastfeed if you can, right? I do understand it is not feasible for everyone - parents of children in the NICU don't have that option, some children don't "take" no matter how hard a mom tries, rare children are allergic to breast milk (thank goodness for formula!) - but if it's feasible who wouldn't want to give it a try?

Reading the posts I was disabused of my (naive?) notions. Apparently not every mother wants to nurse her baby. Some women even expressed a bit of disgust (I could not tell if they had children of their own or not) at the idea. Some nurse their baby, but go hide in a room if there are people over, or use a pumped bottle if they are out. Others - like the group's founder - were upset that mothers would even consider putting a blanket over the baby's head if they were out in a public area. The point they make is that you see more at the beach or on the covers of magazines in the line at the grocery store than you do when a mother is nursing her baby, so why all the fuss? As with all groups, you agree with some points, disagree with some points, and partially agree with others.

Since browsing that group I have spoken with women who had a child in the NICU and could not, who had twins and never tried, who tried and stopped because of the pain (poor latch?), and still others who did not give up even when the hospital nurses didn't think the baby would be able to nurse. All the women I have spoken with have their own stories and feel very strongly about their decisions, and will defend their choices vehemently, as did the women in the Facebook group.

For me it was an eye-opener to realize that even on something I thought a no-brainer can be extremely controversial. It made me re-examine some of my other pre-conceptions regarding life, the universe, and everything. Okay, so maybe it wasn't that earth-shattering, but the realization that what I accept as black and white might not be so for someone else made me think about the reasons behind my beliefs. I have not changed my position - I am nursing my baby and proud of it! - but it may have changed the way I approach others about it.

As always, I invite comments, but am not inciting a riot.